There's something strange in our neighborhood!
Every Halloween, some houses give out the trickiest treats. The neighbors are aghast. They've hired us to investigate.
We're sure they're just crazy, but it's our business to take their
money concerns seriously. They claim they can't afford our usual light-show, but you can't spell opportunity without poor. We're going low-tech. That means you! This is your chance to get some hands-on experience with what is arguably the most profitable paranormal investigation business in the southern-northwest-US: Ghost Patrol!
How do we make a profit when we can't provide our usual level of pizazz™? Volume. We're looking for 50 teams of 4 to do our legwork for us. From 4 – 9 PM on October 31st, you'll go undercover as trick-or-treaters to collect the clues and see if you can't provide our customers an unreasonable explanation. There will be children trick-or-treating in the neighborhood at the same time, so try not to step on them. The children are our future, and nobody wants to be sued by the parents of the future.
For the low, low price of $40 your team of 4 will receive free of charge:
- Experience! Know the ghost, be the ghost, bust the ghost.
- Exploration! Exotic locales, from the Ashby BART station to the Whole Foods
- Example! [insert bullet point here]
- Exercise! You could stand to walk a mile or two. Just saying.
- Expectations! Lowered ones.
- Expletives! Fuck yeah!
- Expenses! Bring some spare cash for food and drink.
- Extras! We'll provide everything you need for this extra-normal extermination. Except a cell phone. Bring a web-capable phone. And a flashlight. An umbrella might be a good idea, too. And you'll need to provide your own pencils and paper. A clipboard couldn't hurt. Aside from that, we will provide everything you need!
Excited? Of course you are! Registration will open at noon on Sept. 20th. If you are unfamiliar with our particular brand of haunt hunting, just listen to what these satisfied entrepreneurs have to say about our 2008 Ghost Patrol seminar:
"We were so thrilled"
~ Boneless Chicken Cabaret
"It was awesome: creepy, intriguing, deeply weird"
~ Mystic Fish
"I actually got kind of sad"
~ Coed Astronomy
"This is explained more thoroughly in the Handbook"
So what are you waiting for? Join Ghost Patrol today! Oh, you can't actually register until Sept. 20th. Join Ghost Patrol soon!